Letter Of Complaint
Moderators: fac51, 117, arfur, vinnieza
Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking fa?ade of a university system."
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.
Please forward it by Friday.
Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
brilliant, someone from Inept Revenue that has a sense of humour 
GOT TO BE ONE OF THE BEST RESIGNATION LETTERS EVER
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker:
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers
and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and
you were apparently hired to provide amusement to me and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept
of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also
never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective
as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.
You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you
are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation,
however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most
you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to
keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years.
If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up"
your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were
going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice
it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe
places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and
all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f_ _k with your systems administrator. Why? Because
they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day.
Cecelia
