Post your jokes here
Moderators: fac51, 117, arfur, vinnieza
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Endre
- International Playboy
- Posts: 2168
- Joined: Sat Jun 14, 2003 12:34 pm
- Location: From Oslo Norway. But Im in Buenos Aires
- Contact:
Here is a naughty one enjoy:<br/><br/>Mum: Son! Go to bed now!<br/><br/>Son: okay mommy! Good night! Love u!<br/><br/>A little wile later the son returns and goes: Mum its a pran in the den!<br/><br/>Mum goes really? A pran in the den? Thats really odd! Let me see!<br/>The son and the mum walks in to the den and find grandma laying in bed flicking the bean and finger banging herself.<br/><br/>Mum: thats not a pran thats a vagina.<br/><br/>Son: but mum IT TASTES LIKE A PRAN! <br/> <br/><br/><i>Posted from a T610 by Endre in Sydney</i>
Hooola muy buuenas! Como le va?
funny, but wtf is a pran?Endre wrote:Here is a naughty one enjoy:<br/><br/>Mum: Son! Go to bed now!<br/><br/>Son: okay mommy! Good night! Love u!<br/><br/>A little wile later the son returns and goes: Mum its a pran in the den!<br/><br/>Mum goes really? A pran in the den? Thats really odd! Let me see!<br/>The son and the mum walks in to the den and find grandma laying in bed flicking the bean and finger banging herself.<br/><br/>Mum: thats not a pran thats a vagina.<br/><br/>Son: but mum IT TASTES LIKE A PRAN! <br/> <br/><br/><i>Posted from a T610 by Endre in Sydney</i>
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Andy
- Water Cooling Guru
- Posts: 824
- Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2003 9:56 am
- Location: The Sphincter of Somerset
The Seven Dwarfs had been invited to the Vatican by the pope as they were in Rome, and they had to decide who would lead the group in to see him.
It was elected that Dopey would be the leader, as he had a few questions to ask the Pope.
They arrive in the popes chambers, and Dopey says:
"Excuse me your excellency, ae there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope looks bewildered and says "No my child, there are not"
The rest of the dwarfs let out a stifled laugh which is halted when Dopey glares at them.
He asks the Pope: "You eminence, are there any dwarf nuns in the whole of Europe?"
The Pope replies: "Erm, no my child, there are no dwarf nuns in the whole of Europe"
The dwarfs behind Dopey now laugh so hard they are crying, until Dopey looks back and gives them an evil glare.
Dopy says to the Pope: "Excuse me your graciousness, are the any dwarf nuns in the WHOLE WORLD?"
The Pope says in a firm tone of voice "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the whole world"
The dwarfs behind Dopey piss themselves and start chanting:
Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!
It was elected that Dopey would be the leader, as he had a few questions to ask the Pope.
They arrive in the popes chambers, and Dopey says:
"Excuse me your excellency, ae there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope looks bewildered and says "No my child, there are not"
The rest of the dwarfs let out a stifled laugh which is halted when Dopey glares at them.
He asks the Pope: "You eminence, are there any dwarf nuns in the whole of Europe?"
The Pope replies: "Erm, no my child, there are no dwarf nuns in the whole of Europe"
The dwarfs behind Dopey now laugh so hard they are crying, until Dopey looks back and gives them an evil glare.
Dopy says to the Pope: "Excuse me your graciousness, are the any dwarf nuns in the WHOLE WORLD?"
The Pope says in a firm tone of voice "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the whole world"
The dwarfs behind Dopey piss themselves and start chanting:
Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!
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Andy
- Water Cooling Guru
- Posts: 824
- Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2003 9:56 am
- Location: The Sphincter of Somerset
There's the Russians:
"We were first to put man in space"
The Americans:
"We were the first to put a man on the moon"
The Blondes:
"Well we're gonna be the first to land on the sun!"
The other countries look at them in disbelief and an American says:
"You can't land on the sun!, it's super hot, you'll die before you get to it!"
To which one of the blondes replies:
"We know that silly, that's why we're going at night!"
"We were first to put man in space"
The Americans:
"We were the first to put a man on the moon"
The Blondes:
"Well we're gonna be the first to land on the sun!"
The other countries look at them in disbelief and an American says:
"You can't land on the sun!, it's super hot, you'll die before you get to it!"
To which one of the blondes replies:
"We know that silly, that's why we're going at night!"
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117
- Lowly Janitor Guru
- Posts: 12548
- Joined: Sat Jun 14, 2003 12:23 pm
- Location: a destination a little up the road
Following a basic reassessment of technology deployed throughout the
organisation I write to inform you of some forthcoming major changes
that
are going to be taking place across the board as far as the Servers and
Personal Computers are concerned.
The goal is to remove all laptop computers by December 2004 and all
desktop
computers by February 2005 as part of on-going cost-cutting within the
Organisation. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No boot-up problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
4. No more worries about power cuts.
5. Budget savings on Upgrades unparalleled
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
The following is supposedly a question given on a University chemistry
examination. The answer by one student was so "profound" that it was shared
with colleagues, and why you now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?
Several students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or a variant. One
student,
however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my first year that,
"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you!", and take Into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct
- leaving
only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THE STUDENT DESERVED THE 'A' GIVEN.
The following is supposedly a question given on a University chemistry
examination. The answer by one student was so "profound" that it was shared
with colleagues, and why you now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?
Several students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or a variant. One
student,
however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my first year that,
"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you!", and take Into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct
- leaving
only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THE STUDENT DESERVED THE 'A' GIVEN.
